Friday, September 5, 2008

Still Mommy's Boy

After a virtual wrestling match to get him settled down a little, TJ interrupted our pre-nap rocking time today to inform me that he was going downstairs to call Mommy. I was curious and rather caught off-guard... I started to correct him that we can't call Mommy in Heaven, but we could pray and ask God to give her a message, maybe. He didn't like that idea. I offered him my cell phone and asked if he'd like to use it. Before I handed it to him, I scrolled through the applications for something special...

A couple weeks ago, before I disconnected Leslie's old cell phone service, I saved her voice greeting on my Blackberry. Not sure why... It was just a beautiful and simple little snippet of her "healthy" voice, and at the time I couldn't "say good-bye" to that indefinitely. So I saved it as a voice note on my phone. Fast-forward back to today, when TJ was wanting to call Mommy... I handed him the phone just as I hit the "play" button on her voice greeting. His face lit up with a paci-filled grin. He gasped with glee, and handed me the phone. "Here. YOU talk."

"We love you Mommy! We miss you! We're glad you're ALL BETTER and in Heaven! We're going to take a nap now!" That's all that I could think to say, as I pretended to hit "end call".

We went back into his room and began to pray. I thanked God for Mommy, and asked Him if he'd tell her we loved her very very much, and that we're very happy that she is all better, can laugh and sing again, is all done coughing, and that she doesn't need oxygen to breathe. I carefully watched TJ's reaction between my half-closed eyelids, and he was smiling the whole time. At one point, he opened his eyes to remind me, "And pray for my drum that Mommy is getting ready for me."

He is honestly so pleased with the idea of Mommy's final healing. I'm realizing more how difficult her battle was on him. But, now that the "dust is settling" around here, I'm realizing simply that he is really missing her being around. (Of COURSE! How COULDN'T he???) He is constantly noticing things of hers-- her shoes, her vitamins, her bathrobe, etc... And his "detachment issue" phase is intensifying-- now he struggles when I even leave the room, and he screams like mad when I leave the house. I just wish there was a way for me to give him the comfort and nurturing that came so naturally from her. I wish I could make my face feel and smell more like hers. "You're SCRATCHY!" He reminds me about a half-dozen times a day. He misses Mommy's skin. Her cuddles. He just doesn't know how to communicate it. I'm learning to "hear" the message through these other little "outlets".

And every new message received just breaks my heart. "God, protect this little boy."

18 comments:

Nichole said...

You continue to amaze me at how wise you are with how you explain everything to TJ about his mommy. You are in my continued prayers.

Anonymous said...

I knew Leslie through her friend Karrie Kelsey Gerber. I just want to let you know that our family is praying for strength for you. My little girl, who is almost two, has taken a special interest in praying for TJ which has been very neat to watch. Thank you for sharing your heart with us and allowing us to hold you up.
Shannon Francis

Verna said...

My heart goes out to your little guy and you. Take one nap time at a time, God will give you both the strength.

Anonymous said...

Pray for you and TJ tonight. Praying for tomorrow's service.
TK

Organized Chaos said...

You're doing an amazing job! Praying for your wisdom and for TJ's comfort.

rhemashope said...

Tyson, I've been reading your blog for several weeks now, and I am amazed at the "charis" and wisdom and strength God has given you. Every post is beautiful, and God is truly being glorified through you and Leslie. I'm praying for you and TJ.

Anonymous said...

Your wisdom is amazing. My heart aches for you both. Continuing to lift you and TJ in my prayers. Thanks for sharing your heart.
God Bless!

Heidi said...

May God bless you and keep you and TJ in this most difficult time. You are in my prayers.
Heidi (Laub) Broermann

Jennifer J said...

eMy prayer for TJ and you as that you find great comfort, security and peace as you walk through this journey. May God continue to give you wisdom and strength as you guide TJ.

Anonymous said...

Tyson, I met you at Leslie's first memorial service "at home" in Washington, IL. (my husband couldn't be there) I knew Leslie growing up . . . through Sunday school, and our families were friends. Anyway, just wanted you to know that we are praying for you still and your dear little boy. My youngest is almost two, and I know well the sweetness of the pacy mouthed smile. May he continue to be your Joy, he is so blessed to have a daddy like you. God's peace, strength, and wisdom be yours . . .
Tonya (Brad, Domniq, Sophia, and Beau Kaufmann)

Marisa said...

Praying for TJ's little heart! You are doing a such a great job with him! He is a blessed little boy!

MJLRosebrook said...

Tyson,
You are doing a great job nurturing TJ. I pray always for God to protect TJ's sweet little heart. You are doing an amazing job of protecting him. I look forward to seeing you both again sometime soon. You're both always in our prayers.
Jess Rosebrook

kim p said...

Dear Father,
Wrap your arms of love tightly around TJ and put a hedge of protection around his precious heart and life. Provide for each of his needs and keep giving Tyson the wisdom to guide and nurture him. In each intimate moment when TJ's missing his mommy (and all the time), let Your care and provision flow through Tyson to little TJ. Help us to believe Your promise to provide and to be all we need. Show Yourself all-powerful and full of compassion in Tyson and TJ's home.
In Jesus'name,
Amen

Abundant Joy said...

You are doing a great job!!!! May God continue to give you wisdom and strength, and peace for TJ.

Courtney Spear said...

So amazing! The Lord is sooo at work in your journey! It's so neat for us readers to watch the Lord at work in your lives! Thanks for sharing- really puts reality into perspective! Keep clinging to our Lord Jesus! You are still in my prayers!

Jenni said...

tyson,

you are doing a wonderful job helping TJ understand what most adults can't even grasp. You are showing him Jesus every step of the way. Praying that the Lord continues to give you your manna each day (i know he will) and that he protects and comforts both of your hearts.

Tylertopia said...

You are a very wise man and an amazing father. The way you handle each day is truly inspiring. May God continue to protect your little guy and deliver comfort in abundance to you both. Thank you for sharing your days with us. It is an honor to pray for your family.

Anonymous said...

I pray that your little boy can be strong.
RM