Friday, September 19, 2008

Rested and Restless

Yesterday we attended the Cubs game at Wrigley. It wasn't just ANY game. (More to come, once I get the pic's uploaded.) But we had a great time. Of course, TJ missed his nap, and I've had a crazy week with less sleep than I usually require... so right after bath time we both fell asleep as I was settling him down. 10 hours of sleep is usually enough to give me a good morning. This morning, I woke up in a cloud, and feeling restless. Cue: some good prayer-in-the-shower time, some morning coffee... and I'm feeling a bit better now.

I'm doing very well, day-to-day. Too well. Kind of like when the Israelites of the Old Testament were blessed with good times, they got fat and lazy and their minds drifted from God. Then, there would be a famine, or they'd be attacked by another army, or whatever, and then they'd turn their thoughts and hearts back to God, begging for His help. That's how it works for us, isn't it?

I haven't "drifted" far. But it's just easier to fall into the trap of "doing it yourself", as things get better... easier. I know this is what has happened over the past week, because scrolling through my memory, thinking of my prayers this week... I've spent more time in repentance and confession than I have just giving Him glory and asking for His strength and peace. That tells me that I'm wrestling more with sin and pride through the day, rather than just "basking in His glory" and worshiping Him.

I righted the ship this morning. I'm just frustrated at my weakness... the fleeting nature of my spirit. I can't believe that thing I said, or that thing I did, in my moment of prideful resistance of the Holy Spirit-- those sins of the week that I know have already been forgiven, but they still have left the bruises. And when I'm in "that" place-- that restlessness, when I'm focused more on my own heart rather than the heart of God-- it's just easy to start asking stupid questions... "What is my life about? Is this where I want to be? What I want to be doing? Will my heart ever be healed? Will I know happiness again? Will I ever LAUGH as we used to laugh?" And so-on.

All that being said, as I stop and take a breath and "take inventory" this morning, I've been unbelievably encouraged when I see the "fruit" God is bearing, all around me. The conversations He's allowed me to have... the wisdom I feel He's granted me in crucial situations at work, at home, out-and-about... He's using me, He continues to use Leslie, and that feels good. It just scares me how little time it takes for my heart to wander a little... for my pride to slip in and try to take over the reigns.

Anyway, like I said... the ship is righted, and I can finally feel that mainsail catching a stiff breeze... and I'm back on my voyage, off to start another day.

(I PROMISE that will be my last sailing reference. I don't even sail. I was going to delete it, due to the sheer "corny" factor, alone. But it fits, for whatever reason, this morning.)


ann said...

Bless you today, and every day.

Verna said...

I have come apon a blog of a wife who lost her husband in a car accident just over 1 year ago, I find that the songs and scripture she posts are soothing and comforting.

Anonymous said...

The Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says, “Only in returning to me and waiting for me will you be saved. In quietness and confidence is your strength. . . .”

-Isaiah 30:15

“And this righteousness will bring peace. Quietness and confidence will fill the land forever.”
-Isaiah 32:17

His words resonated with me this morning. Blessings friend.

jessica frye said...

Go Cubbies! Is that ok to say, or do I have to be deeper? Oh well, Les(aka Schla-Schla!) knows that I am a very straight-forward simple person! She would laugh! Love you Ty! P.S. I LOVE remembering her laugh!!!!

kim p said...

Your thoughts resonate with me, because I've been there. It's so true that it doesn't take long at all for our hearts to drift from the sweet place of intimacy and dependency on the Lord that we experienced in the middle of the storm. Praise be to God that He graciously calls us back and reminds us that His best for us is accomplished when we're fully surrendered to Him. God is using your humble heart in mighty ways. Keep pressing on!

Anne said...

Dear Ty,
The thought/impression that comes to me is how intricately the enemy works to manipulate our every thought and feeling. May you rest in Christ's finished work on the Cross, and remember it is by His strength alone that we do anything good - including depending on Him.
Blessings and prayers,

Jessie said...

Thanks for sharing so much with us! You are always in our thoughts and prayers. I think of you, Tj, and Leslie everyday.
Always thinking of you!

Katie Umbaugh said...

You spoke to me on this one. My heart understands where you were this day. Focusing on the sin that is in your heart instead of worship. I had never heard it put that way.

My pastor says "The opposite of discontentment is thankfulness." Thank you for that reminder Tyson. I am thankful that God is using you and Leslie in so many lives around you.

Be encouraged today & I'm going to get caught up now. :)