Grace was abundant, as I had hoped and expected, on Saturday. Energizing, once again. A beautiful day. The time with my family in Ohio was wonderful. I felt so lifted up and encouraged by "the body" over the weekend.
TJ and I had some boy-time today-- breakfast at our favorite restaurant, some grocery shopping, a trip to the zoo, and of course an afternoon visit to Lifetime. (Our health club-- great pool(s), phenomenal child center, and a nice basketball court and "exercise stuff" for Daddy.) I wore the poor guy out, I think.
I just wanted to make the most of the gorgeous day today (Labor Day), especially since I'll be traveling a bit this week. Even though he and I both know his accommodations in my absence are not only secure and comforting to him, but just plain fun, as well-- we both get a little uneasy about my leaving these days. Around a dozen times, again, today, I made him "look at my eyes" while I reassured him that I will ALWAYS come back, even when I go away, and he can call me on the phone whenever he gets "lonesome" for me, and when I'm away from him I'm thinking of him ALL the time. (That last part makes him smile.) He went to sleep pretty easily tonight, so either I'm starting to convince him, or I just wore him out today. Either way, I'm quite proud of myself. Peaceful nights are good nights.
To be honest, though, it's another hard night. (Not bad. Just hard.) I'm just praying, "Okay, God. Show up. I need you. And I'm gonna be needing you all the more, as these nights turn into weeks, and months, and so-on. I just can't do this by myself..." And so-on. And I just miss her so much. These are the nights we'd sit in the basement and watch "The Office" we'd DVR'ed from earlier in the week, or maybe a movie, or just play cards and have a glass of wine. Those days seem so long ago-- wine was not palatable after her first surgery, almost a year ago now...
But tonight, as I reflected in my last post, I'm resting in grace. Grace is making my eyes heavy, and grace will hold His hand between my head and pillow tonight, and grace will roll me out of bed to hit the road in the morning. Grace will hold my little boy together, and grace will give his caregivers wisdom and love in abundance until I return.
I feel the need tonight to thank you all (readers) once again for your support, interest, compassion, and prayers. I feel again sustained tonight, as He heeds your requests. He, at your urging, is sending some more of His "Manna from heaven," as the thought was given to an old friend of mine this last week. Soggy, bland, bread-like stuff. Am I bursting at the seems with eagerness to gulp another handful down? Nope. But it's sustaining. And it is good. Thank you.