Monday, September 1, 2008

Manna

Grace was abundant, as I had hoped and expected, on Saturday. Energizing, once again. A beautiful day. The time with my family in Ohio was wonderful. I felt so lifted up and encouraged by "the body" over the weekend.

TJ and I had some boy-time today-- breakfast at our favorite restaurant, some grocery shopping, a trip to the zoo, and of course an afternoon visit to Lifetime. (Our health club-- great pool(s), phenomenal child center, and a nice basketball court and "exercise stuff" for Daddy.) I wore the poor guy out, I think.

I just wanted to make the most of the gorgeous day today (Labor Day), especially since I'll be traveling a bit this week. Even though he and I both know his accommodations in my absence are not only secure and comforting to him, but just plain fun, as well-- we both get a little uneasy about my leaving these days. Around a dozen times, again, today, I made him "look at my eyes" while I reassured him that I will ALWAYS come back, even when I go away, and he can call me on the phone whenever he gets "lonesome" for me, and when I'm away from him I'm thinking of him ALL the time. (That last part makes him smile.) He went to sleep pretty easily tonight, so either I'm starting to convince him, or I just wore him out today. Either way, I'm quite proud of myself. Peaceful nights are good nights.

To be honest, though, it's another hard night. (Not bad. Just hard.) I'm just praying, "Okay, God. Show up. I need you. And I'm gonna be needing you all the more, as these nights turn into weeks, and months, and so-on. I just can't do this by myself..." And so-on. And I just miss her so much. These are the nights we'd sit in the basement and watch "The Office" we'd DVR'ed from earlier in the week, or maybe a movie, or just play cards and have a glass of wine. Those days seem so long ago-- wine was not palatable after her first surgery, almost a year ago now...

But tonight, as I reflected in my last post, I'm resting in grace. Grace is making my eyes heavy, and grace will hold His hand between my head and pillow tonight, and grace will roll me out of bed to hit the road in the morning. Grace will hold my little boy together, and grace will give his caregivers wisdom and love in abundance until I return.

I feel the need tonight to thank you all (readers) once again for your support, interest, compassion, and prayers. I feel again sustained tonight, as He heeds your requests. He, at your urging, is sending some more of His "Manna from heaven," as the thought was given to an old friend of mine this last week. Soggy, bland, bread-like stuff. Am I bursting at the seems with eagerness to gulp another handful down? Nope. But it's sustaining. And it is good. Thank you.

14 comments:

Kim said...

Mom said that the service was beautiful on Saturday. I only wish I could have been there. We are continuing to keep you and TJ in our prayers (as well as on our church's prayer list). Keep gulping down that manna - and we will keep sending it your way.

Anonymous said...

Continuing to pray for you and TJ this week as you are apart from each other and you are busy with work. Glad to know your second weekend for Leslie was comforting! Thanks for continuing to so honestly share your journey -gives us out here more to pray for!

Eric said...

We'll be praying as we have been, but especially this week, for TJ as you leave him. With Jack close in age, we are daily reminded of how sensitive his heart must be and praying daily for protection. It's evident that you have such wisdom in dealing with him, and we'll pray that he will continue to be reassured by you.
- Brittany, Eric and Jack

Jeremy R said...

We were so glad we could make it to the service on Saturday. You and your family honored the Lord and Leslie in such a beautiful way. We loved worshiping God with you.

It was great to see you, even for just a minute. We are coming up to Chicago one weekend in October to see Heather's extended family. We'd love to be able to see you and TJ for a little bit.

As the date gets closer we'll get in touch with you.

Jeremy and Heather

Anonymous said...

I can't begin to tell you how much your blogs have been to me. Of course my situation is different from yours in that I am losing my Dad to a brain tumor...but your words and experience are a bit of a tutorial as to what to expect and how to deal. You are teaching many how to grieve, how to lean hard into Jesus, how to understand grace. God has truly gifted you with words.Thank you for your openess, realness. Thank you for letting strangers in to you life. you have ministered to this stranger more than you will ever know.

Anonymous said...

Tyson...I am so sorry that Ben and I were unable to attend the memorial for Leslie on Sat. I hope it was everything you expected it to be. One of these days I will finally meet you...until then, you and TJ are in our thoughts and prayers.
By the way, "Grace" is a fitting tatoo for you. I have never see anyone show so much of it the way you have! Leslie, I am sure, would agree!
Stay strong! We are thinking of you....
Ben and Niki

Marci said...

You have no idea what a light and example you have been to so many people who read this. We appreciate your sharing. We cont. to pray for you and the little guy... you are both being held in the palm of HIS hand. Take comfort and press on. Milford, IN

Anne said...

It's so true that manna is not something our taste buds crave - and yet there is something about it's simplicity that seems to aid in our dependency - a dependency we desperately need in times of trouble....that simple faith that is just for today. And it will not always be this way. The Wedding Feast is "at hand". And if He tarries there will be times of refreshing here too. May God grant you the faith to trust Him for today Tyson. You and TJ are in my prayers.
Anne

MacFadyen Clan said...

tyson, i will be praying for you this week and this saturday that God will continue to be glorified through leslie and her journey. From the snippets i've read here on your blog in the past couple days, you are an incredible father and TJ is so blessed to have you. you make a great team. May God hold you close and may His presence be known as you take each brave step ahead.

Courtney Spear said...

Hang in there! The Lord is sooo on your side!!!! Find rest in... this life is sooo temporary! Hope and life is ultimately in Jesus Christ! This life is like a blink of an eye compared to the time you will spend w/ Leslie and Jesus in Heaven!!!! I really can't wait for that kind of peace!!! Praying for you!!

Anonymous said...

Tyson,You don't know me but we grew up in the same neighborhood, just blocks away from each other. I knew of your family, and always thought you had an amazing family. I knew you and your sister when you both were just very small. Enough rambling, You have grown into an amazing man!!! Filed with so much love for the Lord, and your family. Your story is heartbreaking, I probably cry along with you and many other readers as we share your grief. Yet your story is an inspiration to anyone who thinks their life has bumps!! You show us daily, that throuh our faith in the Lord we will be sustained and taken care of. The one thing I try to hold onto is "God has a plan for each one of us", even though as we are going through our crisis times in life things don't make any sense, and we ask why, or struggle to understand, it always seems that in retrospect I find myself looking back going "OH I GET IT NOW". It still makes you wonder, did I really have to endure that for this? Tyson I pray for you and your beautiful son daily, make God's love sustian and keep you. Wishing in some small way I could lend a hand just to help with whatever you needed.....

Auntie Gayle said...

Wow, Ty! Do you ever just shake your head at the incredible ways your story with Les & TJ continues to impact so many people? God is obviously up to something much bigger than we can imagine. We're praying that this Sat. will be another grace-filled, awesome time of remembering Leslie and praising our God. We are always lifting you up in prayer. Much love, Auntie Gayle

UDMom729 said...

I happened upon your Leslie's Journey blog through several mommy blogs, one of whom had your "Praying for Leslie" logo. This was about a week ago, so I started reading your story already knowing Leslie was with God now. As I read, I have been crying with you, praying for you, praying for different outcomes to events that took place months ago. And yes, it is a little weird because I am a complete stranger, but I guess that's the power of God to bring people to your story. I am amazed by your faith and I know I will think of your experiences as I try to give myself to God in my own, albeit smaller, struggles. I will keep you and TJ in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

Tyson, when my grandma passed away a couple of years ago, our family had bookmarks printed with a picture of her on both sides as well as a phrase and poem that we found written in her Bible. I thought I'd share them with you (and all who read) -- both seem fitting:

'Hold onto your heart. But when you heart is broken, hold onto Jesus.' ~Author unknown

'My life shall touch a dozen lives before this day is done; leave countless marks for good or ill ere sets the evening sun. So this is the wish I always wish, the prayer I ever pray: Lord, may my life help other lives today.' ~Author unknown

Lifting you and all of Leslie's loved ones up in prayer as you prepare for "Tree 3".