Friday, August 15, 2008

Getting back to living

Only a day or two of vacation left, and I've wasted this one trying to kick a flu bug. TJ had it a couple days ago, and now I'm fighting it off. Fever and stuff. I guess I'd rather be sick in Florida than be sick anywhere else. In a way, it's a blessing, because TJ's well taken care of with all the cousins and grandparents around-- but it does make me wonder... When we get back into "life as usual", what happens when I get sick? What happens when TJ gets sick? Lying in bed with a fever this morning, I just wanted so badly for her to come sit on the edge of my bed and put her cool hand on my forehead. She'd always used to say, "when you get sick, you get SICK!" It made me feel better. She was such a good care-giver.

So today, I've spent a lot of time thinking about going home on Sunday and getting back into a normal life routine. Going back to work. Raising TJ, and his childcare accommodations. Everything's set up and planned and we're ready to roll... it just seems so surreal, though, now that it's upon us. It's such an extraordinarily lonely feeling, thinking about going back to our house. Our bedroom. Our kitchen. With no Leslie there.

This vacation has been so perfect. The ocean, the family, the sunshine, the rest. So much "healing" has taken place, and I'm so thankful that we got to do this. And tomorrow night, we pack up and get ready to go back home. We get back to living-- whatever "home" and "living" are, without Leslie to share it with. Hold on tight... could be quite a ride...

14 comments:

Anonymous said...

our family will be praying in the days ahead as you go back home and begin the "every day".

Carrie S said...

Tyson,
Still praying for and thinking of your family every day. I always say that I get sick when my body has had enough stress and wear, and you have had enough to last you a life time. Rest up while the family is there, and the wondering and everything will work itself out, day by day, minute by minute, second by second. It feels unreal and not the way you want, but along with our grief God builds in the ability for us to get through the next days, minutes, and seconds.
Just read this verse today, and thought it appropriate to share with you.

We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair.
~ 2 Corinthians 4:8

Marci said...

Tyson... praying for you both as you head home. May God hold you in the palm of His hand and give you a peace beyond what we could ever imagine. The Reinhard's from Milford

Anne said...

Hold on Tyson. Hold on to God...to friends and family...to Leslie's presence in your heart....just keep holding on. It will get better with time. God bless you.
Anne

Erin said...

Just keep praying, Tyson. And keep letting yourself have the happy memories. I'm so glad you and TJ had a great vacation and spent time with family. God will get you through this next step in the journey. I continue to pray constantly.
~Erin

The Burkholders said...

Hang in there Tyson. We are praying for you and TJ.

Auntie Gayle said...

Ty, we are lifting you and TJ up as you travel home---praying you're feeling better & will have a good trip. May our great God hold you up with His Mighty Right Hand. May your wonderful memories soothe your soul. Auntie Gayle

sandy said...

continuing to keep you in our prayers, especially as you head into that quiet home and get back into the swing of things.
The Wyses

Anonymous said...

Tyson,
I just read your story today. A friend sent me the links. I am praying for you and TJ and believing God will continue to lead you as He has all your life...especially the past few months.
Take care, my brother
Jude 2:
Mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance.

Krissy~ said...

First I would like to say I am truly sorry for your loss. I wish I would have read this blog when Leslie was fighting so that I could have been a prayer warrior as well. It just happens that myself and some fellow employees at a Peoria hospital just found this blog after reading Leslie's obituary. We have all truly been touched by your story and I feel that God will use this for other people in the future.
It just so happens that a friend of mine from church, her mother was just diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer. I feel that the Lord brought me to your blog so that I could tell her and she would be able to gain encouragement from your story.
I will be praying for you, TJ, and what the Lord has in store for you in the future. Those of us who read this blog this past week will be attending the ceremony in Washington. None of us knew you, but would love to pay tribute to such a faithful and God fearing family.
Thoughts and Prayers
Krissy Miars~

Anonymous said...

Praying for God's loving arms to be tightly wrapped around you and TJ as you begin your life at home without Leslie. Praying your sweet memories of Leslie only give you peace. We will continue to hold you up in prayer, Tyson. Hold fast, my friend! You are not alone!! God bless you abundantly!!!
Kelly

Kristi said...

Hope you are feeling better from this flu bug. So glad you had an enjoyable time with your family in Florida. I will be thinking of you and TJ this week as you get back home and adjust to "daily life". Take care!

eness said...

Tyson,
You're gonna be ok. I'm believing it for you even if you can't. I'll be praying for you this weekend and in the next few to come.
Still working on my blog...

Ryan and Kristin Zeeb said...

praying for you two as you get into your new routine...as you continue to grieve...as you try to go to bed each night...and as you have good memories and create new ones!